Friday, July 16, 2010
Ate a slice of cherry pie.
Posted at 10:35 PM
I really can't believe I lost myself again. Now I'm talking in circles again. Vergessen Sie nie.
I find this picture very perplex and amazing. Hitting rock-bottom. And me, I think I've done that a couple too many times now. I very much believe that you know my name, not my story.
Now with trials and pmr drawing near, I am really content with myself. As wonderful as it may seem, I have lots more to catch up on. I believe in myself. I know I can do it. InsyaAllah.
With me thinking, that depression runs in my blood too, and also with everyone and everything asking me why I look so tired. Well you know what, maybe.. It's because I am. Moving on, Afiq said or rather assumed that sluts naturally have small boobs so I guess I'm good. Haha.
Kakak left for Sarawak, and I'm actually hearing that she's just fine. I can't help but miss her. Without a family member, or a rather gila one, the house is as gloomy as ever. I can't help but to feel so confined and.. depressed. But at the same time, I never ever want to be called pessimistic. Never. I don't complain do I? I just write what's going on. And mm mostly it's all bad stuff. But, you know? I'm not a pessimist. Quite the contrary actually. I'm just a struggling optimist. Thats sounds so very much better, doesn't it.
Rachel died. It was torture. As fina calls it, trying to hold back your tears. Torture, I say. I went to the room. Cried all night. RIP Rachel. Be happy. Up there. Day by day she was haunting me, each and everyday I couldn't stand to look at myself without feeling guilt. Then, we buried her and everything went white. I'm still wearing black undergarments, yes I am still mourning. Mind me. I love you, rachel berry.
I'm taking back what I took and giving it back to you. Yes, you. I don't feel anything on you anymore nowadays. I feel free. And knowing that you overjoyed him, I'm overjoyed myself. I am so happy that you're so happy, Mushir. Yes, I'm addressing you upfront. And yes, I observe things but that doesn't mean I still live in the past. With all these months, 7, to be exact, letting go, I've finally found the courage to not hate her. I 'finally' found the inner power vested within me to think that she's beautiful. Utmost, beautiful. Inside and out. And if that's really really true, demi Allah, then bless her. But no, she's not better than me. Hah, that one wait another 30 centuries. :D I'm trying to smile when I see her. And I do, sometimes. Not that evil grin I always give out to archers, but really.. a warm, honest smile.
I know you guys can make it, if you just tried. Hard. All this time you were waiting for each other, all this time she was waiting for you. You've got all this love, can't waste it on another. I wish you, best of luck. And please don't fucking look at me like that. It makes you ugly. Just saying.
Do you know what's my favourite game ever? A rather annoying game actually. Haha. I run away from you sometimes 'cause I just want to know if you would follow. I do it all the time, heh. Dah jadi macam hobi, seriously. So, if you want me, catch me. Follow me. One day, I'll stop running and.. face you. If you're willing to wait, I'm here.
I believe in unconditional love. Does that make me a dramatic stupid unrealistic bitch? If it does, I'd much rather be a foolish bitch than a practical one. If that makes any sense at all.
XOXO, CIAO BELLA LUNA AMORE.
Have yourself a fucking a laugh.
