Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Membakar semangat, membara api di jiwa.
Posted at 4:56 PM
You win some, and you lose some. Yes.
I don't know how I would want to feel right now. It's all just.. such a blur. I'm not saying I'm better off without you. I'm okay. And of course I miss you, bitch. I miss you so much. I miss calling you. I miss hugging you. I miss being there with you. But what am I to do? What.
Meanwhile, he makes me happy. He does. His friends does. Although it may not be forever, at least I have somebody. Some warmth to shield my cold heart. And please do not be vengeful, please don't be angry. Please. I think I love him. I'm sorry.
Trials have'been okay so far, I have a feeling, a strong gut feeling that I'm gonna ace that shit. But if I don't, I guess that's God's wrath upon me for missing prayers and not practising 'righteous and good deeds'.
I believe everyone makes mistakes. I believe in mistakes. I believe in myself. And I know what some people, mainly I, did was wrong. But mistakes.. that's all there is to it. And sometimes, mistakes turn into fate. And fate... into love.
I still come home from school sometimes looking at the phone, just longing and yearning to call you. I miss you. But I know that I can't. I know you don't want to hear it, my voice. I don't want you to suffer from noise pollution, I want you to be happy. Please take care of everyone, Nashrah. Please all be happy, I wish you the best of luck. I wish you so much love from the people around you. I'm so sorry for what I did. But I can't do anything more to please you. You can't always get what you want. And neither can I. Takdir. If I see you at casting day, I promise I will smile and root for you. Please go okay? Jangan lepaskan this peluang to shine, you're beautiful, all of you. I love you.
Sometimes I'm lonely. Sometimes even his presence doesn't make me feel there. I do, I can't deny that. But when I look to the right, you're not there and that's when I get back to reality, get back to him. Sometimes I'm happy too. Wafi, Zira, Kat, Izzat, Adib, Haziq, Syaza and the whole family. And of course, Syamil Sauffi. They make me so happy. I laugh and I smile. Although I wished I could share their story with you. Just if. We'd be so happy.
I'll wait for some light. I'll just wait. I don't mind walking alone nowadays. It relaxes my mind. I don't think too much nowadays. I enojy myself. And I hope you do too.
