Thursday, August 5, 2010
Purple eyes facing God.
Posted at 8:57 PM
We all have scars, we all have stories. This is ours. Sampai syurga. ♥
That day, for the first time since, I walk alone. Although he was there, I felt alone. It feels different. Abnormal almost. Trying to fight back my tears, I'm walking alone, through the empty spaces, the annoying little leaves that block my view. The also very annoying traffic that hurts my brain. As usual, my mind wanders up high into space, with stars, orions everything.
With the blistering heat coming from the sun blazing upon me, there was no one to grab my sweaty palms. No one to shield me from the sun so that I can abstain from enduring in a free suntan, no one to talk to, no one to kiss my cheeks and blow me kisses. No one to hold, no one to love. Anymore.
But boy, was it hot. Like Mexico.
My fragile skin hurts. I'm hungry, thirsty. I'm exhausted. Every sway of my two feet hurts. My ears are buzzing like swarmy bees as opposed to my thoughts. Blimey.
I've made too many bad choices. For my own commensalism, for my own pleasures. For my own fucking good. That hurt others. I'm such a bitch. My heart is a bitch. I deserve to be alone. Bless my heart.
With my nose running and my cat sniffing through my smelly uniform, my mind reaches out to me, they speak. Even now when I'm inching through my keyboard and slapping bloody mosquitoes around me, it speaks. It's conquering my world.
But one split second, I wake up. One split second, everything changed, and while it lasted, it was beautiful. One tender moment could change everything, change hearts. Although the heart doesn't feel, the soul did and it was beautiful. Remarkable. I loved it. I loved that warmth.
I'd like to thank you again. For that short lovely period of time, the time when I started to love you, the time where I first laid my long eyelashed eyes on you. You were beautiful too. Yes, you were. With mesmerizing eyes, you caught me.
But then, leaving me, in pieces, shambled all over again. And like everything, it has to end. Like everything, the pieces don't fit and the heart doesn't feel enough to really show, to leap up to expectations. Like the wind blowing, like the stars falling, it'll end tonight.
Like a knight in shining armor, you lift up your sword, full of chivalry and righteousness, you saved me. Thank you. A goodbye sealed with a kiss. Words that daggered through my bones. Tears that won't pour. Hearts in confusion and perplexedly lost, and with feelings set aside, we let go. We let go.
I'm sorry, I love you. I'll always. Be happy.
