Friday, September 3, 2010
These words are my heart and soul, I'll hold on to this moment you know.
Posted at 2:03 PM
Sitting alone behind the entrance of a stupid optical store, under a fan; noisy, with dirty sidewalks and the smell of musk. As I sat there, a kid falls to the ground. Daddy picks him up and he's all better now, good as new. Envy. I don't usually get that. It's all on me. Even the songs say that; when you fall, just get back up. It's not when you fall, call daddy to come to the rescue. No. You're own your own.
It was Merdeka eve, that night. I wished I was at the stadium. Me, learning malaysian history more willingly, I tend to appreciate it more. I'd cry, if I was there. I wish I was. I'm not even near any form of fireworks. Except for the stupid bombs that explode every two minutes. Agonising.
Adolescents in their baju melayu's escaping terawih. What punks. I'd love to be in the mosque right now, in my silky telekung, doing the deed. It's the last ten days, I so want to be there. I'd love so much to achieve Lailatul Qadr. I can only wish.
I met Al the other day. I've missed him! Every time I meet up with him, he always, always, looks better than before. Amazing. Today, his face was radiant, more radiant than last week. He was in green and I loved the way he cares for me. He's so much like a brother to me. I'd like him just to.. be there. And most of the time, he is.
Paramore's coming! Fucking hell, their coming. The shit's in October, and it's already selling fast. Blimey. I'm so ecstatic. Fucking ecstatic. With all my hopes and eaten desires, I would really hope to go. In comfortable words, I SO FUCKING WANT TO GO. K? All my people are going for the rock zone, which is utterly insane and there's no way in my tiny little pocket that I'm gonna find that amount of money. So... I'm buying the RM98, the cheapest, yet still, I get to see them. I'm going with baby. Yay. :)
We're everywhere. Prowling around like ants. We're all in misery. We're all in pain, agony. Confusion. We are everywhere.
Just found out that Izzat smokes. Shocking and irrelevant. But you know, I've learned to just accept everybody's flaws and holes. We have many. And me, I'm not exactly zero-flawed, you know. And I'd love him and the rest of the people so dearly. I love them so much. I love you.
I'm wasting my time, ranting. Tuition was in 15 minutes (I'm writing this a tad bit laaaate), I'm still behind this stupid optical store. If I was a rich girl na na na na na na na, if I had all the money in the world, I'd go into Guardian and buy everything in sight. Everything that I'll regret buying in the morning, all the most unnecessary stuffs like q tips and lozenges. Wee.
I got 4 a's. I'm sad, but happy. Most of them are A minuses, not happy. Yet very much improving. Alhamdulillah.
I'd best think that syamil and I are in deep confusion. That's what I think, confused. I love him, so much. Everyday, and every glance of his beautiful eyes. I love him. At which point and stage, and as what I don't know. Confusion, I say. I've come quite a way since ahem and I'm very happy that I found him. And maybe I just don't know it yet. And I hope I will. With everything, I'll try to not let this go.
But with everything, I'm still always STILL ranting. I'm always still here. I'm always. I want to go. I want to get out there and learn. Hurt and cry. Be overjoyed and overwhelmed. Loved. Happy. Me.
And with that, I'm gone. With the wind. Away and off. To outer space. To a happier place. To bed. To Utopia. To the galaxies and to the state of euphoria. To my 930 tuition class.
Au revoir.
