Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Moments
Posted at 10:27 PM
Clinging to me. Like a last breath you would breathe. You were like home to me.
At this moment, I am missing Fadhli so much. I watched a little bit of Savages just now. Watching Blake Lively make sweet love with Aaron Johnson was enough to put me off. I stopped watching. Something is troubling my mind. I can't even concentrate. I don't know where he is. I don't know what's going on. Confused, totally confused. I don't want to push it, I just keep reminding myself that there must be a reasonable explanation to all of this. I'm scared. Getting played right now would definitely result in a mental breakdown. Like what the fuck? When is this ever gonna stop. Seriously.
Please don't close your eyes. I don't know where to look without them.
At this moment, the last thing I want is to be clingy. I'm not clingy. I just.. what's the harm in like telling a person that you love your whereabouts? Is it normal for these men to do this. Have I like fallen into a hole I never thought I'd fallen into? I didn't think he was 'that', didn't think he was capable of 'that' either. Maybe this is just another mindfucking wake up call. Now is not the time for love. Perhaps. Every person in the city was disguised as you in my mind, every flash of light from anyone's phone or even my stupid house phone makes me think it's you, every beep and every person that comes online on Skype is a threat. Where are you? :'(
I know you care. I know it is always been there.
At this moment, I'm contemplating on whether I should cry or sleep, perhaps both because I can't hold it in. It's always like this. This rush of emotions, they come out in the form of water, my face it's venue; even my blanket and my pillows. I feel like crying. I cried when I accidentally watched Return of the King before The Two Towers, which for me, was just completely and utterly bullshit and careless of me. What the fuck? I blame the dude who put it out as a torrent, he listed ROTK first. Damn. I cried. I felt like something was taken from me and lost and I couldn't get it back. You laughed and said I was cute. I miss you. But if you don't want me, can you like at least send the message across? It's the worst thing seriously to leave a girl hanging like thisssss ugh. I'm typing like an ass.
But there's trouble ahead I can feel it. You were just saving yourself when you hide it.
At this moment, I should be, damn well I should, be enjoying my youth. My friends are probably out, they're always out. These so called 'it' places but really, it's just a food court usually. I want to do that, just whatever and shit being reckless and eat as much as I want. But the bipolar side of me would think it isn't such a good idea. Maybe not.
To shape to comfort of us. Two lovers locked out of love.
At this moment, I met a lot of people earlier. These people whom I had always wondered in awe. They are so famous it's crazy. But I met the 'queen' and frankly, she was nothing. Trying to be S was not working for her for she is basic, smokes socially, she's fierce but that's all she is. Basic. Everyone's stuck in this world, this realm, where they think it's cool to be promiscuous and shit, thinking of themselves so highly, when in reality, everybody does the same thing, everybody smokes the cannabis but they make it seem like they don't, they want people to ask, they want people to guess, they feed on praise and gossip. Of themselves.
No, I don't want my hands in your coat. But I still hope.
At this moment, I'm remembering how you hated all of my songs. But not this one, you love this one. It'd come out, out of the blue and I would smile because you were sweet and I loved you. Thank you. I used to get angry at how you would cut my songs before it ended with the 'I love everything you love' argument to back me up. You would laugh and played my songs in full and I would say it's okay, I love you. Zee Avi is magnifique. I watched the pole dance of the stars. We rejoice because the hurting is so painless.
Why can't I dream? Cause I know you care.
